It’s impossible to live without bias. Merely by existing, we’re exposed to other people, other media, and other ideas. We have experiences that shape what we think and how we behave. We spend our entire lives forming, sharing, and breaking our opinions.
As such, no written work (or any creative work, really) can ever be completely free of bias—and we as fans will never be completely free of bias when we evaluate the things we’re passionate about.
So what are we to do if someone expresses their distaste for the things we love? Or even worse—what if the media that’s come to mean so much to us is accused of containing problematic content?
These are issues we as fans will have to struggle with for the rest of our lives. And, especially in the case of problematic content, there’s no one simple solution to the problem.
When it comes to subjective criticisms, all we can do is practice patience and security. We can ground ourselves in our love for our fandoms and the truth that we don’t have to sacrifice our peace of mind for other people’s opinions. Everyone is entitled to a (non-bigoted) point of view, after all.
As for problematic content—the best we can do is learn how to both hold our joy for a piece of media, and yet simultaneously acknowledge the issues present within the things we’ve come to love.
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I’d like to disclaim before we begin that the critiques I’ll be discussing here are not critiques that are bigoted in nature—such as someone hating on a movie with a female lead because she wasn’t made for the male gaze, or a homophobe trashing a book because it has a queer character in it.
I’m talking about critiques that:
1) Relate only to subjectivity (“I’m just not interested in romance,” “I’m bored by books without any action,” “I didn’t like this novel because it wasn’t character-driven enough.”)
2) Or that point out problematic content (“The narrative supports this character’s racism,” “this romance endorses sexual abuse,” “this subplot contains damaging stereotypes.”)
Critiques that stem from a place of bias are never right. But how to handle those is a separate discussion altogether.
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We need to remember that somebody’s critique of a work we love is not a condemnation of us, nor a condemnation of our tastes. Someone explaining to us why they don’t enjoy a particular piece of media, or pointing out the existence of problematic content, is not in any way an attack on us.
It’s of course a different story if our response is to actively defend the problematic content (if someone says “x story contains racist rhetoric,” for example, and we jumped in to say “that racist rhetoric is actually factual and we should all believe in it.”)
And if someone goes out of their way to tag us, mention us by name, or directly declare an intent to attack a particular group (i.e. someone attacks us unprovoked in the comments on our posts, tags us in a post where they attack something we stand for, or says “fans of x are all assholes we shouldn’t respect”), then that’s not okay either.
(And I’d like to note that an “attack” is not someone calmly explaining their point of view to us, nor someone merely declaring that they don’t agree with us. An attack is a baseless and cruel statement on our character or our appearance—such as declaring we’re stupid for having the tastes we do, accusing us of committing harmful actions with no evidence whatsoever, or mocking us for being “ugly.”)
If someone is merely stating their opinion, and we’ve been in no way personally called out or dragged into the conflict, then we don’t have any obligation or justification to feel attacked.
I get it—it’s hard to watch people say bad things about the things we love. And it’s even harder when said media is accused of being problematic. What are we supposed to do? Dig our heels in, condemn it, or abandon it altogether?
First off, you’re not a terrible person for enjoying something that contains problematic content. The key is so long as the problematic content isn’t the reason you enjoy it. After all, nobody’s going around trying to argue that Jacob and Renesmée’s romance is the greatest love story ever told. And nobody’s trying claim that the Wizarding World sounds like fun because you could get your very own house-elf slave.
I love the Lord of the Rings series—it’s definitely one of the best fantasy sagas I’ve ever read. Are there racist elements to the story? Absolutely. And I know my responsibility isn’t to defend those elements or to argue it’s somehow okay that they exist. I just have to acknowledge them and move on with my life.
It’s the same with Harry Potter. Are there dated concepts and questionable ideas being purported throughout the entire series? Hell yes. Does that make every fan an evil human being? Of course not. Claiming you relate to Snape’s incel tendencies, or that you too believe marginalized communities should be compared to ravaging werewolves, is, of course, concerning—but so long as you’re not among those groups, then you’re okay. Many fans simply enjoy the magic of the world, after all, or relate to the characters who aren’t problematic.
And if you do come across a post where someone lays out the racist elements of LotR, or explains how Snape’s behavior is still toxic even when he’s supposed to be benevolent, that doesn’t mean it’s an attack on you or your tastes. Just as you’re allowed to express your love for a piece of media, so are other people allowed to express their discontent with it.
It’s not like I’ve never felt upset when someone critiques a work I love. But I know people are entitled to their opinions, and it won’t gain me anything to jump in and try to change their mind.
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If we’re going to discuss this topic in today’s day and age, then we have to address the ever-growing elephant it’s plopped smack in the center of the room—the rise in popularity of romantasy.
Just because romantasy has become a hot-button item doesn’t mean that it’s the gold standard for fantasy or romance. And it doesn’t mean that every fantasy or romance fan will care for that kind of story.
And that’s okay. No genre can appeal to everyone across the board; it’s just not possible.
But with every type of media, we have to accept that if not everybody likes it, then there are going to be, without a doubt, the people who are willing to talk about why they don’t like it.
And there’s nothing wrong with that. Just as someone is entitled to gush about why they find the male lead in their favorite romantasy swoon-worthy, so is someone else entitled to discuss why the same MMC made their skin crawl.
Many fans assume that anyone else’s negativity is a personal condemnation of their character or their tastes. A post ranting about how a reader wishes the female main characters were closer to their own age is somehow trashing women who don’t mind teenage protagonists. A post discussing how the “romantic” traits present in popular romantasies are niche at best, and problematic at worst, is just straight-up bullying women who don’t mind the MMC’s behavior.
But it’s not trashing or bullying. People are allowed to have different opinions—and they’re allowed to have conversations about whether or not these stories endorse such content in the first place.
And when it comes specifically to problematic content, we have to address the sorest point of contention here—that the content in question may actually be, well, problematic.
This is the intersection where romantasy fans usually claim they’re being mocked or bullied. If someone posts an analysis of how popular MMCs tend to display obsessive and abusive behaviors, then people take it to mean that anyone who idolizes that character is wrong.
If you’re willing to defend content, then you have to be prepared for its criticisms. Just because you like romantasy doesn’t mean no one will ever find any problems with it. And it certainly doesn’t mean no one will ever want to talk about those problems. It’s just a reality fans of every genre have to live with. We can’t restrict anyone else’s ability to speak freely about the topics they want, just because we might feel insulted that they hold those opinions.
And I’d like to reiterate again that this doesn’t include when people are being bigoted. Someone attacking a movie because it features a queer couple is wrong. Someone complaining that the female lead in a TV show isn’t sexual enough is being misogynistic.
People have brought up genuine critiques against romantasy that can’t be waved away by bigotry—because the people bringing up these concerns are concerned about the very presence of bigotry itself.
People who engage in such content have to come to terms with their feelings and involvement. There are fans of Harry Potter who support the queer community, and are happy to let people know where they stand. Much of the Twilight fandom seems to be dedicated to making jokes that both pay homage to their quirky teen obsession, yet needle at its more questionable aspects.
This doesn’t mean you have to issue a disclaimer every time you talk about your favorite romantasy. It just means you aren’t being bullied if someone wants to have a discussion about how it may not be their favorite, or how it may even be problematic. You don’t have to get involved at all, unless someone directly attacks your character and/or drags you into it.
Of course it feels uncomfortable for someone to bring attention to an issue you feel implicates something about your character. But, frankly, it’s impossible to find an opinion or a taste that’s completely free of anybody else’s criticism. You might think “I like puppies” is a universally-shared sentiment; and yet, there are some screwed-up people out there who would definitely beg to differ with you.
If you really, truly, deeply feel like getting involved with an opinion that bothers you, then you have to remember that you should only be defending the right to your tastes, not the problematic nature of the content itself (unless you have compelling evidence that said content isn’t actually problematic).
For example, it would be better to say “I like this romance because it appeals to my personal fantasies,” rather than “we should be excusing the MMC’s questionable actions across the board because people might have fantasies about this sort of scenario.”
The context and the content of what you choose to reply to will also matter. Someone might simply be venting their frustration that they can’t find stories that appeal to their tastes. This is not the time to say “well, I like it, so you have no right to be mad about it.”
Or someone might be concerned that a toxic romance could give impressionable teenage readers the wrong ideas. Which is not the place to say “I’m a grown adult who knows better, so who cares?” We all know teenagers form a large portion of the audience for romantasies, and there’s nothing we can do or say to dissuade them from buying the books they’re going to want to buy. We also know that most, if not all, of the publishers (and some of the authors themselves) willingly push their content onto teenagers.
We also have to be prepared for pushback. If someone questions why particular fans defend problematic content, it probably won’t be enough to convince them just by saying “I enjoy this sort of thing,” or “it doesn’t really bother me.” And if we’re not willing to dive into a discussion on why we might think that way, then it’s best not to engage at all.
I’m certainly not going to judge what types of romantic and sexual situations we all enjoy. That’s each of our personal business. But your personal preference is not a shield against all criticism. And it doesn’t mean that people aren’t allowed to disagree with it. If we all have a freedom to our (non-bigoted) opinions, then the people who dislike romantasy are just as entitled to dislike it as any of the fans are to like it.
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